Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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