My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
