i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
