Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
