I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
