R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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