I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
