He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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