Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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