I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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