you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
