During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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