I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
