Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I believe in your delicious
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize