You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize