Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
