I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
