can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
