He felt like a one man threesome
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
