I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
