theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize