I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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