I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
