Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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