Your face is a jimmy john
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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