I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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