Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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