New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
