today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize