i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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