the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
as a side note pls kill me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
