well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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