i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
