Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
