in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
