Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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