Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize