Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize