She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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