You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
