No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
