well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
