I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
