I like my sex mixed with concussions.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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