I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
