if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
