just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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