First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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