i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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