your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
