And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
