I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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