In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
