Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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