i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
