Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Are we still banned from the library?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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