I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
