Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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