If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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