i love accidental penises.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
