that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
