I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
