every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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