There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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