I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
