we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
