So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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