how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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